NFL Needs You — to Ref

June 4, 2012

Do you look good in stripes? How about a white hat? Do you have Thursday nights, Monday nights and Sunday afternoons free? Great, the NFL is looking for you. It seems the NFL referees haven’t come to an agreement with the league on a contract.

Wow, labor problems in a professional sport. How quaint. Come on you butt heads. Get your heads out of your rear end and come together or we’re going to have our NFL happy place invaded by “wanna be” refs who don’t know how to mark off a five yard penalty or the nuances of the Tuck Rule. Are you able to explain and demonstrate the Calvin Johnson Completed Catch rule?

Well, if you’re still with me, go check out this link: http://www.ehow.com/how_2090715_become-nfl-referee.html
The Folks at eHow.com have figured out just about everything. Here are some simple instructions to become an NFL referee.

1. Begin refereeing at the junior high, junior varsity, varsity and college football level. Yes, that should be easy. Go to your local sporting goods store and get a striped shirt, or make one with a really fat Sharpie and head out to the local gridiron. Act like you know what you’re doing. That’s what the big boys do…lol..

2. Oh, step two is referee as many games as possible. You might even want to break out your Xbox and make some calls. You can be non-specific and make a call on everyone like this one, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r6lCpEIfV4&feature=fvwrel

Or you can make up your own rules like this ref, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62vGX4jIJY0&feature=related

Or better yet, take a cue from this ref and know how to apologize,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwdq79von9U&feature=related

3. The other things to keep in mind to become a ref is “maintain a steady emotional countenance.” What?
4. Okey dokey, moving right along, be in good physical condition. I think that’s a no brainer and should disqualify millions of applicants but if they start their own union any kind of stupidity can happen and will be legislated in.

There are a few other things to do but I’ll let you go read them and take the time to see if you want to become an NFL referee. But just remember to stay out of the way and do your job.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up7XCjYhbq8&feature=related

And you have to watch out even while you’re training at a Junior High game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFQyoWSOstA&feature=fvwp&NR=1

So let’s hope the NFL and the refs can get together and work out their differences. There should be enough money to split up and get these guys some insurance and glasses but not enough to buy common sense. Oh, wait, we are talking about a sports union…..never mind. Keep training folks….

To any of my friends who may be a referee on any level of competition other than the NFL, I apologize…..maybe….

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Mark H. Stowers

I hail from the land of Faulkner, Grisham and Elvis and love to write about all things, especially sports. Sports writing has been in my blood since 1980 when as a high school junior, I sprained my knee on the basketball court. The local weekly paper needed someone to write up post and preview action of my high school and I jumped at the $5.00 a week opportunity. Full disclosure allows me to tell you I’m an Ole Miss Rebel, Miami Dolphin, Boston Celtic and Indianola Academy Colonel fan but my job makes me write from the facts and not so much the heart most of the time. Now With more than 30 years of professional writing experience, I have worked in automotive, advertising, marketing, public relations, creative and technical, as well as news/sports/entertainment and column writing from Mississippi to California to Michigan and parts unknown in between. In Michigan since 1993, I work with several newspapers, advertising agencies and national and local magazines through my freelance company, Prime Time Penguin Unlimited LLC.