See, even camel toes aren't pretty where they belong...on a camel.
I never understood this. Perhaps, by my coming forward and voicing my confusion, someone out there can enlighten me.
Let me set the scenario…
Woman walks into store. Or man, because they aren’t immune from this issue. And frankly, I’m not sure which gender camel toes more grotesque on. Because, let’s face it, camel toes aren’t even pretty on camels.
Person is on a hunt for the perfect pair of pants for any various reasons. How about, a party. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, a pair of jeans.
Person tries on said jeans and, they seem to fit. No issues whatsoever in getting them on or off. They are comfy. The bending factor is good. The muffin top factor is, well, ok and can be hidden via loose shirts.
Person takes off jeans and heads to the register to make their purchase.
Person drives off into the sunset with new jeans, excited to wear them and show off their flattering fit.
Now here is where I’m confused.
I’m thinking that an entire step was missed during the whole “try on and purchase new jeans” process. You know, the whole “look in a mirror” part.
That step that would let you know that, while these jeans slide on and off easily, which is good for when you have to, say, pee. Or get out of your pants quickly because of a passionate interlude.
BUT, had this step NOT been missed, one would have realized that the muffin top is hidden, for sure. But the crotch cleavage or the ball sac, aka…camel toes, is more than revealed. And this is something that the general population doesn’t want to know about you. Really. In fact, camel toes goes beyond the TMI into the realm of nasty and disgusting.
The other thing I don’t understand is, when friends let friends walk around with this issue. I mean, I would tell my friend if they had spinach in their teeth. Or, if they had a booger hanging in their nose. I’d also take the keys from a drunk friend, unless I was more drunk, of course. And yes, I would let my friend know if their camel toe was showing. Because, let’s be honest, do I want to be seen with someone who has this little issue?
No, I think not.
I propose a new movement, one that will benefit humankind. It’s “Friends don’t let friends leave the house with their camel toes showing”. Yes, I know it’s wordy so, we can shorten it to FDLFLTHWTCTS. It’s like an acronym only…well, not.
People, it doesn’t matter if you are having a good hair day or if you have the hottest shirt on or the coolest shoes. No one is looking at that. We are all focused, in horror, mind you, on your camel toes.
To make a long story short, before you walk to that cash register, giddy with excitement about these pants you are going to buy…
Look in the mirror.
Please.
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